Mom, I want to be an artist

Yes, I want to be an artist. And no, I don't want to do anything else with my time and my energy. I want to devote myself to art 24/7.

Because as the great Concha Velasco said:

"And she thought, and rightly so, That there are only two kinds of people, The artists, and everyone else"

And I'm deciding this at 37.

I have no knowledge of the art world. No studies, no contacts, nothing connecting me to this industry, this market. I don't know exactly what I want to do or how I'm going to make it happen.

Sounds like I've got it all figured out, right? I have no idea. I don't know where it's going to take me, or whether I'll ever get anywhere interesting. I don't know.

All I know is that I don't want to do anything else.

I'm not an idealist, and I haven't lost my mind. I know starting something is always hard, that it has its frustrating moments, and that things will move, for sure, much more slowly than I'd like. I'm not going to do anything crazy — I'm not quitting my job (for now), and I have no deadlines or goals. I just know I want to devote myself to art, because it's what makes me feel alive. What helps me carry the weight of existing. What, for small moments and instants, makes being alive worth all the pain.

I have no idea what will happen. I just know I want to try. I owe it to myself. It's about time I became who I've always wanted to be. Because what I have always wanted to be is an artist.